You are burdened with a marriage problems. You feel lost and hopelessly alone. Think back. Do you remember when you were a child, and you played the word game of phrases, and thought? Someone would say a word, and you quickly followed with the first word that came to mind. Lets say the other person said apple, you said pie. If they said American, you said flag. It was a fun, and carefree game as a child. However, as we grow to be adults, this game of words can have far more depth. For most people, when they hear the words “forever promise”, their mind immediately thinks of “I do” , or “marriage”. The two just seem to naturally fit. This is because, on our wedding day, we stand before God, our friends, and family, and pledge an oath of devotion to our mate. We vow that no matter what, we will stand beside each other, come what may. This promise is to be valid, until death do we part. A promise of faithfulness until death, is a huge obligation. Yet, it is an agreement, a promise if you will, which is born of selfless love, in the very depths of our hearts. This is why so many people feel huge amounts of guilt, when they suddenly realize one day that their relationship is no longer the perfect bond, but instead has turned into a marriage problems.
So the questions is, what do you do when your marriage is in crisis? What are the steps you should take in repairing the bond, and keeping your oath of faith? The most important thing to remember is that it is not hopeless. There are steps you can take to find your way back to each others hearts. Below are a few tips which you may find helpful in your endeavor the save the marriage problems.
The first step is to give yourself space, and time to let go of your own anger or jumbled emotions. You can not work on the marriage, if you are lost in a sea of anger, or are an emotional wreck. Anger only causes us to say words which we will regret later. As well, hurt is born of anger. So even though your heart is hurting, and you are furious with your partner, you have to walk away and deal with this part of it on your own. You may feel as if he or she has caused this emotional pain within you, and they may very well have, but it still belongs to you. It is yours to cope with, and yours to choose to hold on to, or to set free. For your own sake, you have to let go of the anger.
Once you have calmed down, it is time to make a list. Sit down and make a list of the things which bother you in the marriage. This list should include any obvious problems at hand, as well as behaviors, or issues which you feel are harming your relationship. Also include possible solutions, or things you feel might help in resolving the problems.
Next, schedule a time for the two of you to sit down and calmly talk. This should be a time which is quiet, and free of all distractions. Turn off the t.v, cell phones, and lock the doors. This time belongs to only the two of you. Vow to stay calm and even tempered during this communication. Most importantly keep in mind that it is suppose to be “communication”. Communication is more than just talking, it requires listening. Truly listen to your partner and what he or she has to say. Even if you don’t agree, respect the words as their feelings. Show them that you do care how they feel, that it is important to you for them to be happy. This will mean a great deal.
Be willing to Bend. Don’t be so set in your ways that you forget how to compromise. Life is never about getting your way all the time. The game just doesn’t work that way. Love is selfless, and as a result, sometimes loving someone means giving up your wants for their happiness. This doesn’t mean that you have to give up the war, just be willing to let your partner win some of the small battles. This will show him or her that you appreciate their feelings, and value their happiness.Don’t expect things to work out in only one day. Your marriage problems did not begin in one day, and it will not be resolved in a single day. It will take time. Just know that taking the time to work on it, is the first step in taking it back to a happy marriage.
Tell your partner you love them every day. Even if you are angry or hurt, take time to say the words “I love you”. You don’t have to completely bend your pride, you can always precede with “I don’t approve”, or “I don’t agree”. Just follow with “however, I do love you”. This is as much for yourself, as it is for them. Stating your love each day serves a double purpose. It not only reminds your partner of your love and devotion to them, but it as well reminds you of what you are fighting for. You are fighting for the love you know runs so deeply.
Lastly, don’t be afraid to seek help if you feel you need it. Often, a neutral party, such as a minister or marriage counselor can help put things in prospective. Sometimes they can point out solutions for this marriage in crisis, that the two of you can not see, as you are so close, even though you seem so very far apart.